a whispering return

January 21st, 2016

sugarlaws-4{Photo Credit: Rachel Sutherland}

About six weeks ago, I announced some big changes on Sugarlaws for 2016. And then a few weeks passed, and I looked down at my calendar and realized that the month of January is almost over (what??) and I haven’t written a word.

And on one hand, that’s sort of ok. I’ve had some time to sit with my decision and I’m feeling better than ever about it. I’ve received so many incredibly kind words from readers, other bloggers, and friends, and it sounds like you guys are willing to stick with me on this new adventure. Thank you. I may not say it often enough, but know that I’m thinking it, every single day.

But I also didn’t mean for this silence to be quite as long as it was. With every day that passed, it felt to me like it got louder and louder. And eventually, weeks later, I had to admit to myself that something unexpected had happened.

Announcing those big changes had a side effect… suddenly, I felt self-conscious about this site.

What would my next post be? If it’s not about fashion, then what? Law? Politics? Entertainment? Science? Whatever it was, I felt myself thinking, it needs to be great.

I’ve always been a bit of a perfectionist, and I felt that rise up in spades in the last month. The next post I wrote had to be that pitch-perfect, incisive, compelling, magical set of words that would sum up everything I want from this blog.

(And if I couldn’t do that, I might as well just not write anything, right?)

But in thirty-four years on this planet, I’ve realized that that little voice of perfectionism isn’t there to help. It never helps. It makes things harder, every single time.

I realized that so viscerally when I became a mother. It took me a while to realize that Bear didn’t care if I was perfect. He just wanted me to be his mom.

And, you know what? I don’t have to be so darn perfect here either. This post isn’t great. I can already tell! You probably can too. It’s about what’s going on in my mind right at this moment, which is a mix of some lofty ideals and some stress about my ability to accomplish them.

You know… life.

But when I started thinking about it, I realized that’s exactly what I wanted to write about. It doesn’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to solve modern physics or explain the First Amendment. I just have to be honest and open and here. If I can do that, I’m satisfied.

This post isn’t anything special. It’s a little more scattered and a little less eloquent than I hoped it would be when I started writing.

But it’s something.

And that’s the first step.

Tags: life

9 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Michelle Rittler @ Taste As You Go // Jan 21, 2016 at 10:44 am

    I completely understand where you’re coming from, Katy. Every time I sit down to write a new blog post, I stress over how I’m going to frame it — do I want to be funny, serious, insightful? How honest do I really want to be about the current state of affairs in Michelle’s World?

    Being a somewhat public personality is a tough balancing act, but I think you’re on the right track now. Letting go of perfection is HARD, but when you can get yourself there, it’s so refreshing. And when you’re open/vulnerable, so many wonderful things can happen.

    It sounds trite, but, sometimes, when you step back and loosen the reins, everything just falls into place and your path and your purpose become crystal clear.

    Write when you feel inspired. Share what drives you. Take your time. We’ll all be right here waiting for when you’re ready. XO

  • 2 Angel // Jan 22, 2016 at 2:03 am

    So cute Post , love it 🙂

  • 3 Eva // Jan 25, 2016 at 6:45 pm

    hah!  i like this post so much!  i have written similar posts but then never quite made it back.  and several that are drafted but not published.  oh well. 

    hopefully you find what direction you want to go with this blog and just go with it!

  • 4 Marissa // Jan 30, 2016 at 5:03 pm

    Starting is always the hardest part. Just pick something and go with it! 🙂

  • 5 Ashley Hoober // Feb 26, 2016 at 3:45 pm

    I love this story, please keep this stuff up! Most people think “blogs” have to be so professional. No they don’t, they can be fun and entertaining! Ha!

    Thanks for sharing!!


  • 6 jennai // Apr 21, 2016 at 2:36 am

    Lovely pictures and post

  • 7 Manpreet // Dec 19, 2016 at 4:42 am

    I love this post very much. Just go for it you can do.

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